12142017Headline:

Orlando Bloom’s Undie Obsession

by Jenny Hansen

Those of you who hang out with me at More Cowbell know about The Undie Chronicles. They know: When the Undie-verse speaks, I will always listen. I had no idea when I began the series that there were so many hilarious undie-based topics to discuss.

This article came across my desk the other day:

Orlando Bloom won’t wear same undies twice.

Orlando Bloom BAFTA 2008

My pal, Orlando, and “undies” in the same sentence? Y’all know that perked me up. I was so there. I couldn’t wait to see what the man was getting up to under them jeans, if you know what I mean.

But then I read the article in the Chronicle:

The 38-year-old actor is reportedly obsessed with shopping for new boxer shorts and refuses to wear the same pair twice.

A source close to the British heartthrob told In Touch Weekly magazine: “Orlando always seems super excited about picking out a new pair of boxers. He goes to a local sleepwear store once a week to pick fresh new pairs of boxers. He never wears the same pair twice.”

But the ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ star is very picky about his under garments.

The insider explained: “He’s not a fan of bright colours and likes each pair to be soft and silky.”

Note to Orlando:

Dude. We have got to chat about your Undie Issues.

I’m as mad for wild undergarments at the next girl, so when I heard about your obsession, I was prepared to be amazed. I imagined elvish wonders, or at least cool sayings on your drawers, like “My Precious” or “You Shall Not Pass.” Perhaps even something clever like, “The ring has awoken…”

Orlando Bloom

Etsy Shop – SoEffingCute: https://www.etsy.com/listing/89762890/lotr-you-shall-not-pass-undiesbooty

 

But the same style, new pair? Every. Day. Just soft, neutral boxers forever? That is so (SO) boring. And germaphobic. And rather bizarre. I’m just saying… It might be time for an Undie Therapist.

**Makes notes to research whether sex therapists address undergarments.**

Orlando…Orlando…Orlando… Or should I say “Legolas,” since that is when I first fell in lust love with you. You’re letting us down, man… Legolas wouldn’t spend time on any of this nonsense. Neither would Will Turner…he’s too busy with his sword, and with swilling rum with his pal, Jack.

Now I will forever think of you as “Orlando, the Anti-Laundry Germaphobe.”

Can we at least get some bright colors going on under those clothes? Farm animals? Glow-In-the-Dark action? Restore our faith, Orlando. Or at least start borrowing your characters’ drawers.

Do you have any undie idiosyncracies? Comments on Orlando’s habits? Thoughts about whether or not he should have an undie donation station for all these “single wears?” Continue the discussion at the #SocialIn hashtag on Twitter or SocialInDC on Facebook!

Till next time…

Jenny
@JennyHansenCA

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About Jenny Hansen

By day, Jenny provides training and social media marketing for an accounting firm. By night she writes humor, memoir, women’s fiction and short stories. After 18 years as a corporate software trainer, she’s delighted to sit down while she works.

When she’s not at her personal blog, More Cowbell, Jenny can be found on Twitter at JennyHansenCA or at Writers In The Storm.

© 2015 Jenny Hansen. All content on this page is protected by copyright. If you would like to use any part of this, please contact me.

Orlando Bloom photo credit – clair_h on FlickrCC License 2.0

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